


Sanctuary

by Snake (Fatality145)



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M, Smut it up.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-17
Updated: 2012-05-17
Packaged: 2017-11-05 13:17:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/406873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fatality145/pseuds/Snake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Major’s riled up with uncommon bloodlust after the events with Cerberus at Sanctuary, and needs to be calmed down</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sanctuary

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Halyen/Tumblr](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Halyen%2FTumblr).



He could see it in the deep set lines in his face, the faint gritting of his teeth behind his pursed lips, the way his hands still clenched around his rifle, even as they were leaving the firing field of Sanctuary in the Kodiak. Giving the Major a sidelong glance, instantly catching the light, burning smoulder in his eyes, Shepard let out the breath he had been holding, reaching over and placing a soothing, gauntleted hand on his knee.

 

                After seeing all that Cerberus had been doing at the apparent refugee oasis to the people who arrived, he couldn’t blame him for feeling as he did, feeling his own sense of hatred. But hate and anger was meant to be a _driving_ force, not a _controlling_ one, and the look on his face was not unlike the expression of contempt he had seen, directed at himself, on Horizon. It makes one irrational. He had claimed he made mistakes when under the painful flurry, so Shepard hoped it wouldn’t be the same, now.

 

                Kaidan didn’t even bristle, gaze set forward on the reinforced metal walling before them. His fingers minutely tensed around his weapon, a bump of turbulence causing him to flinch and huff. He glanced down at the Commander’s hand which squeezed before letting him go, the man turning to walk up to the front of the shuttle, speaking with Cortez.

 

                The Major knew the gross feeling for Cerberus was mutual between all of the crew and squad, however, they didn’t seem as deeply affected as he did, and he didn’t know why - Vega leaning back against the Kodiak’s wall, armour half undone, hands linked behind his head and eyes closed, Shepard resting his hand on the back of Cortez’s chair, the two of them talking amiably.

 

                And there he sat, weapon in hand, scowl on his face, practically ready just now to find the Illusive Man’s hideout and unleash a few rounds right into his face. This was controlling anger. He didn’t like it, but it was hard to supress, so much so he felt one of his biotic migraines coming on. Squeezing his eyes shut, Kaidan sighed coarsely, righting himself on the bench before glancing up again, seeing James looking back at him, a brow quirked.

 

                “Something the matter, Alenko? You look like you’re about to combust, or somethin’,” Vega asked, tipping his head against his forearm.

 

                “Shut it,” Kaidan returned before he could stop himself, the ounce of venom in his tone causing the other to recoil slightly. They were friends, light hearted with each other and cracking jokes and poking at each other’s mishaps. The words weren’t a first from him, but the way they were said was, James looking to Shepard who had gazed back at them, sharp eyes hard, curious, landing on each of them for a time before turning back to the front of the Kodiak.

 

                The command was unspoken, but it was there, for Kaidan to calm down and for Vega to keep quiet, for now. The LT shrugged it off, flexing out his back before returning to his relaxed state. Alenko didn’t even have to return the look to know the Commander’s sights had been on him. He always knew when they were, a sort of sixth sense. But in the cramped space of the shuttle, he felt choked, suffocated and stuck with himself in his head, the slowly pulsing migraine beginning to pound in his ears. He just wanted to get out and either slaughter Cerberus, or have his face plastered to the Normandy’s small bar, unable to deny that the former was the much more appealing to him, then.

 

                Normandy’s greatness was slowly becoming visible from the Kodiak, Kaidan already standing up, finally holstering his weapon, standing in front of the door with his arm up and holding onto the ceiling’s baring for stability. Shepard moved in his peripheral to stand next to him, doing the same. His demeanour, stance, and single, long glance at him spoke to him silently, again.

 

                ‘ _We’ll talk_.’

 

                Kaidan might not have been up for it, but if the Commander wanted to talk, they would, the shuttle pulling into the docking bay of the ship, Vega getting up behind them. Landing thruster flares rumbled through the shuttle as it dropped in, Cortez opening the doors for them and lingering in his seat to fix up controls and check the vitals of his baby.

 

                Climbing out first and shouldering Shepard accidentally, he took no mind of it and neither did the other, stalking out of the shuttle bay towards the innards of the Normandy. James jumped out after him, armour bloodied and scratched, happy to have his feet back on the ground… figuratively speaking, giving his usual regards to Steve before jogging up behind Kaidan as the elevator doors began to open before him.

 

                “Hey, Maj—“ Vega started before he was abruptly yanked back by a strong hand in the back of the neck of his gear. The lieutenant looked back over his shoulder after righting himself, Shepard giving him a disapproving expression. He just had to push his luck, it was how he was.

 

                “Leave him for a bit, James,” The Commander told him. It wasn’t an order as a superior, but it definitely held its weight, and he took it as such, lifting his hands in defence.

 

                “Yeah, yeah…” He dropped it, Shepard giving him a nod and letting him go, turning to wait for the elevator to return after taking Kaidan.  Vega huffed, swivelling on his heels to head back into the shuttle bay, to help Esteban. He was quick to forgive his friends, which was good; he wouldn’t hold this outburst over Kaidan’s head for too long.

 

                The doors before the Commander slid open with the smooth sheen of metal upon metal, the man stepping inside and toggling the control to lift him to his cabin of the Normandy. He would let Kaidan cool down a bit before he would speak to him. John didn’t know what he would say, but he would come up with something. Having Kaidan upset like this was a compromise not only to the mission, but also to the Major and to himself. All of them needed to be at their peak, physically and mentally, and with Alenko like a powder keg waiting to be set off, it could lead to complications, irrational decisions and sloppy work.

 

                Flexing out his neck as he felt the slight vertigo of being taken up the ship, Shepard ran a hand over his scalp, trying to dishevel the dirt that had caked upon his skin with sweat, the small cuts he had sustained numb but red with impending, minor infection – he would have himself checked out by Chakwas later on.  He was already unbuckling his armour by the time the elevator had reached his floor, stepping out into the small room before his cabin before heading in.

 

                The air was cool, at a regulated and kept temperature. It was soundless albeit the subtle humming of the fish tank VI and the sounds of the Normandy herself, the way Shepard liked it. He took a deep breath of the clean atmosphere, undoing one last latch on his chest plate and exhaling as it fell to the floor with a dull thud.

 

                John himself had the natural lingering anger towards Cerberus and the Illusive Man, but he supposed it would be better if he were more level headed, if he wished to return Kaidan back the same, shedding the rest of his armour and clothes before padding into his personal bathroom for a shower.

 

\--

 

Well, four shots of whiskey didn’t do the trick, and sitting around in the bar just _waiting_ for action to be taken against the Illusive Man wasn’t helping him, just leaving him to broil in his anger that wasn’t muted at all by the alcohol, if not enhanced by it.

 

                Fuck it, Alenko wasn’t going to wait around, he was going to get this done, backup or no, Cerberus had to pay, had to be punished for everything they had done;  for thwarting not only humanity, but all sentient life against the Reapers, for all the pain they had caused, for the incessant culling of civilians, for the corruption and subsequent disgusting shifts of their soldiers, their workers.

 

                Every single ounce of suffering they had caused, Kaidan was going to give it back tenfold. In a time where all beings should stand together and be strong, acting off one another, Cerberus aimed to be the breaking force, their actions threatening all life in the galaxy. He wouldn’t let it happen any longer, pushing himself up from the barstool and turning, wobbly on his feet, to leave this part of the ship and head to the shuttle bay, still in his armour, still covered in grit and grime from the last mission.

 

                Fury was blinding him. In a better state, he would know this was utterly ridiculous to even think about – storming into the Cerberus base on his own, but that didn’t even cross his mind, now, as he skulked down the hall towards the elevator. Before he was even half way, the doors slid open, a cleaned up Shepard stepping out and glancing around, suddenly cautious stare landing on him.

 

The Major ground his teeth, looking away from him and storming forward to the elevator.

 

“Kaidan,” Shepard began, walking over and trying to intercept his path. He could see the hate in his eyes, almost knew exactly what was going through his mind, guessing that, during the time he was showering, Kaidan hadn’t calmed down in the slightest. The Major ignored him, shoving past him again with a growl, biotics glowing over his skin and gear at the contact.

 

John turned, reaching out to grab him, but he was already out of reach.

 

“Kaidan!” He tried, again, his natural superiority seeping into his tone by accident, causing Alenko to stop in his tracks unwillingly and shoot and angered glare back.

 

“ _What, Shepard_?” Kaidan barked in answer, hands clenching into tight fists, migraine rearing its painful head again.

 

“What are you doing? What’s up with you?” The Commander asked, already knowing the answers.

 

“That bastard’s going to pay for everything that he’s done!” A biotic flare shot down from Kaidan’s shoulders to his fists, weighing up the options of legging it and Shepard having the time to tackle him. “… To all the people in Sanctuary, all the times Cerberus has impeded us in the fight against the Reapers, just... everything!”

 

As much as Shepard and the rest of the squad wanted Cerberus put down, they couldn’t just charge in and hope for the best - the Illusive Man probably wanted that, them disorganized and easy for the picking. Their minds needed to be clear, ready for anything, ready to react to whatever Cerberus would throw at them.

 

“You need to calm down; we can’t go rushing in like this,” It pained him, really, to see his partner so overcome, and if he had the choice, or just the opportunity, he would let Kaidan shoot a slug through and through the Illusive Man’s skull. But, for now, that wasn’t an option, so this is what he had.

 

“And why not!?” He returned, turning to face the Commander, teeth grit and bore.

 

“We’re not ready, yet, and you know it, that’s why!”

 

“Like hell we aren’t!” Somewhere in his head they knew they weren’t - they needed intel’, they needed to recover, the shuttle needed to be refuelled. A plethora of things needed to be done before they could ambush. But he also knew there was chance Cerberus would be one step ahead of them, even now, and he felt there was no time to waste.

 

“You don’t think I want that, too? To finish off Cerberus and be done with it?” Shepard took a step forward, expression changing to one of empathy. He hadn’t experienced the Major like this, before, he had been angered, upset, on Horizon, but this seemed to take the cake. “Come on, Kaidan,”

 

Letting out another growl, Alenko shook his head, boots resonating heavy thuds as he began to skulk back to the elevator.

 

“No, no! I’m done with waiting!”

 

Sometimes arguments weren’t won with words; Kaidan wouldn’t see reason simply if Shepard told him to, the Commander stepping over and tightly grabbing his arm and yanking him back as the elevator doors began to open. Blue sparked over what he touched, shoving the man back against the wall of the Normandy. Shepard was strong enough to pin someone like Vega, bigger than the both of them, but he knew, if Kaidan wanted to, he could bust a hole right through him. Luckily, he knew better… or at least hoped he did, holding the other back by his shoulders, sure eyes level with his burning ones.

 

Alenko had lifted his still-gauntleted hands to defend himself before his training kicked in, taking a hold, subordination, narrowing his eyes, azure sparking in them and flecking beneath his skin, coldly glaring back at the Commander. The air was electric between them, noting the faint twitches of Kaidan’s upper lip and in the corners of his eyes, the man trying to take in the gravity of the situation, so close that their breath was shared, tense and extremely on edge. This hadn’t happened before, he hadn’t been so far gone that he had needed to be pushed into such a position, to come back to his senses.

 

And then the breaker came.

 

“ _Major Alenko_. _Stand down_.”

 

This time, the tone was deliberate. He didn’t like using it, especially against Kaidan, but, sometimes, it was a necessity. And it worked, apparently, biotics flaring once more in the other’s eyes before he forced himself to relax, lingering in the loaded hold and gaze before roughly shrugging off the hands which Shepard let drop, and leaving to the starboard observatory.

 

“Take a shower, relax yourself, whatever you need to do, just get rid of this,” Shepard added, “Driving, _not_ controlling, remember, Kaidan,”

 

“ _Yes, Commander,_ ” He muttered as the doors opened, then closed behind him, Shepard watching after him. John stood, one hand pressed to the cool metal wall, and slowly let his head drop, closing his eyes, sighing softly, lifting his other hand to rub his forehead.

 

“EDI,” Shepard murmured, covering his face with his palm. He didn’t even need to say it.

 

“I know, Commander. I will notify you of any changes.”

 

\--

 

Slowly, but surely, Kaidan had calm down, at least to the point of not jumping into Cerberus’ nest, practically unarmed, staring blankly out of the window of the observatory, arms crossed over his chest. He had stood there a while, evaluating.

 

                After all, everything that he was looking at was all that he was fighting for. He huffed, muscle tension lowering, the biotic migraine that was blistering his skull softening into a beating pulse. Kaidan couldn’t risk everything that they had sacrificed becoming in vain, at least not on a stupid anger flush. Lifting a hand and rubbing his face, the Major blinked deliberately, leaving traces of dirt on his skin from his gloves.

 

                He was still entirely geared up, still messy, gore still splattered over his body armour. The anger lingered, just simmering under his skin, and he was still wanting the Illusive Man’s blood smeared upon his suit, but now he could wait until everything was set.

 

                Alenko turned, thinking he should probably take up Shepard’s words and clean himself up, the grit that had been stuck to his skin becoming loose and dry, uncomfortable, cracked dust sprinkling out as he ran a hand through his mussed hair.

 

                Kaidan wasn’t anywhere near okay, just yet, but there was something that pushed at the slaughtering thoughts in his head – the look he had been given, shoved back. The utterly _delving_ stare from Shepard’s piercing eyes. He hadn’t seen it before, and he didn’t know if it was degrading, or if it was something he should be expectant of, or if it excited him. Maybe a mix of all three and more, musing as he stood motionlessly under the shower’s stream, cleaning his body but not his mind. He wouldn’t be entirely satisfied until Cerberus was done with, so they could finally move onto the bigger picture.

 

                Toggling the shower off, he drip-dried for a moment, arms limp by his sides, head ducked down languidly, slick hair sticking to his skin. Every time he shut his eyes, he saw those blue ones looking back at him with such ferocity, making his blood run warmer through his veins, still unsure of exactly why. The force moving him now wasn’t causing him to itch towards the shuttle bay, but to the cabin.

 

                Snorting softly to himself as he quickly dried and dressed, Kaidan would have liked to think that, over the years, he would have gotten better at controlling his more extreme emotions. That’s not saying he couldn’t keep most of them to himself, soft spoken, make it seem as though he wasn’t upset about anything – he had a knack for that. But they could still drive him crazy, and if he could do things about them, or at least make himself believe that he could, he was usually helpless towards it.

 

                He had thought about just showing up in a towel, but who knew who would be out on the crew deck – he wanted to keep a little face around the others, unlike Joker or Vega, who would commonly be walking around almost buck naked after a few rounds of poker, James generally with a huge grin on his face and Jeff’s shirt in hand.

 

                No, he dressed comfortably, but still respectfully, as always, unable to stay still for very long, knowing quite well where he subconsciously wanted to go. Kaidan indulged himself, heading straight to the elevator and up to Shepard’s cabin.

 

                The doors opened silently before him, the new air flowing out. Though he knew it was filtered by EDI, this atmosphere was different from the rest of the ship’s, because this one was tinged especially of John’s scent, and that didn’t choose to help him with whatever he was there for, nerves and senses somewhat clear from the shower, more senstive.

 

                He stepped in, doors closing behind him with that quietness that always used to make Tali unsettled. Shepard’s back was to him, sitting at his desk, seemingly unaware of his presence, though, knowing John, as he really did, he probably knew he was there, but was simply patient, waiting. He didn’t know if that bothered him, or just made him more alluring, but, either way, the Major was walking over and down into the den, grabbing the back of Shepard’s chair to turn him.

 

                There was the light clatter of a data pad falling from the Commander’s hands as their lips were firmly pressed against each other’s, the electricity that had been shared between their strong gazes now being passed between the contact. That was what Alenko craved, he found, both during and after his short lived but-now-partially-suppressed battle lust.

 

                Yeah. Shepard knew. Shepard always knew. He didn’t flinch back, and he didn’t think twice before lifting his hands to tightly knot them into the other’s still dripping hair. Either he had his own creepy, sixth sense, or maybe EDI had tipped him off of his arrival.

 

                He didn’t know if Kaidan had calmed down, but, judging from the bruising pressure against his mouth, and now the hands gripping at the front of his shirt to pull him up from his chair, he hadn’t. Though, there was still progress, it didn’t seem like he was anywhere close to being thrown through a wall, pulling back from the kiss to take a sharp breath only to groan it back out as teeth closed around his lower lip.

 

                “…Didn’t think I would be seeing you for the rest of the night…” Shepard managed, shivering as hot breath wisped over his neck, the Major nosing the collar of his hoodie down and hearing a soft huff.

 

                “Well… You know, I got my priorities in order quick…” Kaidan spoke against his throat, voice hushed. The skilful fingers in his hair tugged him back up, their mouths slanting together, lips parting, the kiss all teeth and tongue, the both of them sucking in greedy breath and neither of them wishing to pull away as Shepard lead him back. His calves bumped the end of the bed, pushed down with the weight of John’s body immediately upon his own. It was one of the best feelings in the world – that heat. Protective, yet foreboding.

 

                One of Kaidan’s legs wrapped around the other’s as he finally pulled back, a warm flush beginning to spread over the smooth slope of the Commander’s nose as he leered down at him. The stare was different from the last, but it still held that strength, that peering trait. John could still see that anger in his eyes, undirected at him, but present in his actions, the extra feverish sense and power behind each touch he made a sort of bleed off from the mission’s events. But he knew they were under control, now, and he wasn’t exactly against the spared velocity released upon himself, it was another way to help, after all, and they both knew it.

 

                There is only little different between battle and sex – both were heated, both were personal, heart pounding, adrenaline rushing, filled with anticipation, and both held their own kind of lust. It wasn’t uncommon for either to imbue the other, especially when in such close proximity with one another. A big difference was that one meant to kill or to die, while the other’s objective was to feel alive.

 

                Shepard groaned deeply, a knee rutting up between his legs, grinding down against the Major’s thigh as calloused hands slid under his jacket and shirt, nails scathing scars long gone painless, mere memories, now. Every move was deliberate, but fast, strong, but calculating, the extra pressure of strong fingers, the chopped breath racing over skin, especially the nails grazing up the Commander’s back, leaving red marks along his spine. His jacket and shirt were quickly disposed of, thrown across the room, palms sliding firmly down his hard chest, calloused digits pinching a hard nipple and tearing a sharp gasp from him.

 

                In the heat of it all, John found his hands absently clawing into the covers, putting them to good use and snaking them up the Major’s belly, touching over the carved muscles, nudging the material of his clothes up, the man quickly obliging and lifting himself up to be rid of it. He felt small biotic shocks ripple through the contact of their chests come from him, rutting his svelte hips against Kaidan’s and grunting lowly, skin beginning to rise in gooseflesh all over. They willingly stole each other’s breath in another amative lip-lock, Shepard’s teeth closing around the other’s tongue for a moment, thickly laving it with his own.

 

                Once he felt the deft fingers delve down past the waist of his pants, Shepard forced himself back, finding those dark eyes looking back at him, their expressions mirrored, bitten lips parted, lids lifted to see the utter full of the other. That tense gaze was intact for but a moment, though it felt like minutes, before Shepard ducked back in, nipping at the tendons which stuck out in Kaidan’s throat, before brushing over them with rough lips, feeling the frenetic pulse beneath the tight flesh.

 

                Hands gripped feverishly to shed the rest of their clothes. While, here, they felt like everything else swept away, and they had all the time they needed, they weren’t taking it slow. And Kaidan made sure to keep up the pace, tugging the Commander’s pants down from his hips and immediately taking a hold of his hard prick. He didn’t need to see what he was doing to _know_ what he was doing. He knew John’s body well enough for that, and could clearly hear the signs as a sultry moan rumbled against his throat.

 

                Bucking into the grip near-helplessly, Shepard gave a deep bite into the stretch of muscle between the Major’s neck and shoulder, wincing out a groan of the other’s own, smirking with satisfaction around his sunk teeth. He pulled away, red indents left in Kaidan’s skin. Maybe he was just territorial, protective, but he was all for marking what was _his_. Pressing a chaste kiss to the man’s cheek, he pushed himself up, hand in the middle of his chest, blue, electric plumes crackling up his fingers and wrist, strong legs wrapped around his hips, keeping his close.

 

                The head of his cock dripped a pearl of moisture onto Kaidan’s stomach before he shifted back, bringing his hands with him and yanking the waist of the Major’s pants from his hips, nails grazing along the smooth curve of the palpable bones of his pelvis to his groin, scathing the root of his length. Moving his hands back, he gripped at his flank, the muscle covered in just the right amount of fat for it to be pleasing, the pads of his fingers pressing into it.

 

                Lifting his hip from the bed, his prick resting back heavy against his stomach, Kaidan kept a tight hold on the Commander’s upper arm, heel digging into the small of his back. If Shepard didn’t know better, how would have thought he was purely pissed off, but, as he pulled away the rest of their clothes, bare bodies laid against one another, with the help of insistent hands, shed of anything to make them and left with their raw selves, Shepard could basically see all the other held.

 

Anger. Lust. Both barely bridled with underlying pride, but also apology.

 

                Words weren’t needed, the both of them knowing it’d ruin the moment, neither being the best at speaking in this sense, and it was perfectly okay, their physicality spoke novels to each other. Each stare, each touch, each twitching muscle and each expansion of their chests as they took in a breath that still ached in their cores no matter how many they took.

 

                Rocking their bodies together, inhales short between their fighting kisses, Shepard reached a hand out, blindly patting the bedside table for something and knocking said something off the side. Without even breaking the kiss, the Major outstretched an arm, biotic stasis locking the small tube of lubricant, bringing it over with a flick of his wrist. John blinked, barely turning his head from the kiss, mouth still half in it as it was brought to his hand, the stasis breaking off once he curled his fingers around it. Arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, pulling him back in before he could make any sort of remark, groaning instead.

 

                Feeling down Kaidan’s side, scraping over the rises and falls of his ribs, Shepard arched his back over him, uncapping the tube and squeezing some of the velvety liquid onto his fingers, fleetingly coating over his oozing prick before having the tips of his digits run over the man’s hole. He didn’t need to open his eyes, the Major lifting his hips up in response, calves brushing the sides of his torso, the nails digging into the nape of his neck, was enough of an answer of permission, sliding two, slick fingers into him, knuckle deep.

 

                He could feel him tense up around him, the sudden, choked lapse in the mesh of their mouths, before he brought himself to lax. Shepard could still feel the biotics, scratching at his skin wherever it touched his, and it was far from unpleasant. Crooking his fingers inside, there was another tense, though it was of pleasure, rather than initial pain, that time, a gritty groan sounding against his lips, the arms strengthening around his shoulders, hips bucking down onto his fingers.

 

                God, did Kaidan ache for him, right then, his length sluggishly letting out a steady, marbled moisture back onto his stomach, jerking again once he felt those fingers pulling out and pushing in, right against that one spot that served to make him melt. He was adamant to get this part over with quick, just hungering to have him, maybe _wanting_ it to hurt, somewhat, unwrapping one arm from Shepard’s shoulders and reaching down to grab his wrist, the movement shaking momentarily as the digits spread, forcefully pulling them out of him, having some resistance from the Commander. He treated him like a porcelain doll, sometimes, and he knew it. The amount of times Kaidan had reminded him he wasn’t fragile was innumerable, but he also knew it wasn’t Shepard’s fault – from what he knew, he hadn’t been this personally, at least _emotionally_ , intimate with someone other than him, so he was just being careful.

 

                However, careful was the furthest thing the Major wanted.

 

                “God, _Shepard_ … just… _give it to me_ ,” He eventually managed, pressing his head back against the pillows to look at him, to show him he was serious. John was quick to learn from mistakes, and this wasn’t the first time he had been told to rough it up, instantly obliging and taking his hand away to take a hold of the root of his prick, giving himself a few, brusque strokes, spreading the lube over his hard flesh. He bowed his head, forehead pressing against Kaidan’s shoulder, leering down between them, their shuddering chests, and guiding the head of his length against and into him.

 

                Nails sunk into Shepard’s back, Kaidan gritting his teeth as he was filled, painful pleasure jagging up his spine, biotics rippling beneath his skin. He muttered a few, choice curses, bringing himself to tilt his hips up, legs tightening around him to bring him in deeper. Eventually – not soon enough, by his current standards – his hips, the curve of his flank, were pressed up against the top of Shepard’s thighs, cock buried in to the hilt.

 

                As if not to get another scolding from the Major, the further scratching to his back and the utterly delightful, deep moan spurring him on, John wrapped an arm down beneath and around the man’s hips, keeping them up against his own as he slid out, slowly, first off, much to Kaidan’s discontent, almost fully, before pushing back in, the two sharing a fleeting, open mouthed kiss before the other tipped his head back, jaw clenching in another gorgeous sound, already bucking to meet him half way as he started a steady, semi-rough pace.

 

                Shepard’s other hand not holding him up, palmed up his chest, thumb fleetingly pressing against the column of his tense throat before knotting tightly into his hair, giving the dark strands a short tug, his teeth grazing along the sharp edge of his throat, groaning gruffly at the perfect feel of his tight, heated body taking him in, the clawing that was going to leave angry marks on his back in the morning.

 

                The curved position of Kaidan’s back, too, would probably end up being a pain in the morning, but, at that moment, he didn’t care in the slightest, didn’t even think towards it, the angle having the Commander pulse into him in that way he craved, blistering pleasure spreading out through his limbs, painfully hard length aching, but in a way that felt so good, the hormones flooding his blood slowly flushing out the anger until a blissful sense of mindlessness was left.

 

                In a span of time that felt too quick for him, he had choked out subtle pleads of ‘ _more_ ’, probably not even giving Shepard the time to accommodate before biotics surged into his arms, pushing the man off of him and onto his back to be looming over him, hips aligned together exactly. The momentary expression on John’s face would have been laughable if it weren’t _so damn hot_. Eyes darkened and blown wide, delectable flush over his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, looking as though he’d just chugged several litres of Ryncol, like he was drunk off _this_.

 

                Despite himself, Kaidan had to just gaze down at him, to take in that look he hadn’t really seen before, snapping to once those wide eyes set back on him, clever tongue running over lips. Before Shepard had the chance to lean up and kiss him, the Major leant over, grinding against him and pushing him back against the dishevelled covers with his mouth. He growled into the next kiss, John’s hands finding their place at his hips as they were lifted and slammed back down, the Commander throwing his head back much like he had, mouth agape with a loud groan.

 

                Each time he would roll his hips up, he’d break their messy kiss, capturing Shepard’s mouth in his to swallow down his sounds, mixing with his own, when he’d slid back, taking in his prick to the root each time. The other’s heel dug into the covers, trying to find some leverage and failing miserably, settling on firmly curling one of his hands around Kaidan’s cock, the flesh tight and hot beneath his grip, feeling him clench up with a shuddering grunt around him as he began to jerk him, fingers still slick with the lube and from the wetness that seeped from the slit.

 

                Forcing out something along the lines of Shepard’s name as a blunt thumbnail was run over the tip of his length, the Major bucked up into his grip and back down onto his prick, breath breaking and whistling down his dry throat, needily. His hands clawed into the covers by the Commander’s head, fisting them, his teeth grit hard as his gut tensed, nearing the edge.

 

                What pushed him over was the helpless moan of his name falling from Shepard’s lips, the liquid heat filling him, the hand squeezing around his length. Groaning deeply through his teeth, Kaidan came hard into his hand and over his stomach and chest, white-hot jets that felt burning to the Commander’s twitching, shuddering skin. He rode out their high, slower, relaxing his jaw and panting through parted lips, Shepard doing much the same, sweat lining their skin.

 

                Swallowing thickly, Kaidan squeezed his eyes shut before opening them again, tired, deep blues staring back at him. He licked over his lips, heart still in his beating in his throat, bringing one of his stiff hands up to cup the side of John’s face, thumb running over his lower lip, receiving a languid kiss on the calloused pad and returning a soft smile. He lifted himself up off of him after a moment, wincing and flopping down beside him.

 

                Kaidan hadn’t expected the warm arm to wrap around him and pull him over to the Commander’s side. In all honestly, he was expecting a bit of silent treatment for his misconduct, and, when he thought back to merely a few hours earlier, he wanted to slap himself in the face. He took the gesture whole heartedly, though, pressing in against Shepard’s ribs, cheek resting on his chest, arm circled around his torso.

 

                “…Feeling better?” Shepard asked, voice husky, the Major chuckling just has gruffly in response.

 

                “Don’t think you even have to ask…”

 

\--

 

All the lights in the cabin were down, apart from the perpetual, azure glow from the fish tank, the light filtering into the bathroom where Kaidan stood, palms pressed to the basin bench, looking at himself in the mirror, himself looking back.

 

                He’d peeled himself away from the strong arms of a still-sleeping Shepard, without waking him, he thought, leaning over and running the tap on soft to splash cool water on his face. The biotic migraine he had been dealing with was gone, for now, but the cold still felt amazing on his face. Taking in a deep breath, the Major slowly let it out.

 

                His head was clearer, now, staring at himself again. He felt stupid for what he’d said hours earlier, but he still meant them, meant what he had said about the Illusive Man, about Cerberus, about everything. Though now he could collect those thoughts, that anger and disgust.

 

                _Driving, not controlling_.

 

                The sudden voice from back in the cabin brought him from his reverie and reflection, peering back into the bedroom.

 

                “…Major. I can hear you thinking from here. Bed. Now.” Shepard had said, tone light but still insistent, bringing a grin to Kaidan’s face.

 

                “Aye, aye, Commander,” He returned, swivelling on his heels and casting a last glance at himself over his shoulder before making his way back to the bed.

**Author's Note:**

> ((jegus christ it's six am i'm going to bed gjgdhsjdj))


End file.
